I am in better moods now :D

Wow that last post was hella depressing. I am glad I kept this diary of sorts of my new life so I can look and see what I have been doing and keep myself in check. I wish I wasn't such an emotional person. I think that my life would be so much easier and it would be so much easier to set goals and achieve them if I wasn't so god damned emotional. I have my mother of course to blame for this. Women love the fact that I have such an emotional side to me but it sucks for being a man. I think if I was colder and wasn't so emotional that I would not be where I am today. I would be in a different place in a different mind set and I think I would be more successful and hopefully happier. It doesn't matter how hard I try and fight it, sometimes my emotions come over me like a wave and I am swept away in motion in whatever direction it is traveling. It is the thing that has held me back my entire life. It is the root of all my problems. At least that is what I think.

So here we are 2010. The human race has somehow managed to not nuke itself yet, nor has it managed to wipe itself out with a plague or something else. We are merrily continuing along in our regular consume and produce waste cycle as the Earth slowly deteriorates toward the point of no return. Sometimes I get selfish and say fuck it what do I care if in 200 years from now the air on earth is no longer breathable? I won't be here. I guess this is because I don't have any kids nor do I have any plans of having kids. Life seems kind of pointless when you look at it on paper. All we do as humans is consume, reproduce, consume waste, and somewhere in between there we live our "life" which is really just the pursuit of happiness and the avoidance of pain. The only good things in this life are those moments we remember. Brief moments of time when everything feels just right, you feel elated. Those feelings are fleeting and for all the good we get in life we get an equal amount of crap to deal with. The ability to deal with the crap is a deciding factor in how much overall happiness you will achieve.

I wish I was one of those people who didn't spend so much time psychoanalyzing life and them himself. I wish I was able to feel content just settling into a routine. I am not one of those people now. Dealing with this new life as a single man can be overwhelming at times and also very confusing. I feel as though I have been dropped into another world. Sometimes it feels like I am watching my own life unveil itself like a movie.

Ok enough with all the preachy ranty shit. Back to the bitches... ah lord the bitches. (from the movie new jack city)

See? I use humour to change the mood w00t.

I have been sending a bunch of different girls messages and so far I have met some sweet girls. I think I want to give a sweet girl a shot. I might have said this before but my ex was really strong and really aggressive and she wasn't very feminine. I think I need a nice sweet girl that won't complicate my life. I have a few girls I am talking to that might fit this bill and I am in the process of figuring that out.

I am trying to go on a date with some of them and that might happen tomorrow with this one girl Cindy so I will let you know if we are going to to go out tomorrow night or not. I am just waiting to get a message back from her. She has been pretty good at communicating back and forth online which I think is an important aspect and tells a lot about someone's personality.