Entries by Trey

I went on a date with that girl Christy finally. We went out on Sunday night for dinner at this cool restaurant called
Clark's Fish Camp Seafood Restaurant which is really cool if you are into fish which I totally am and she told me that she was totally into fish so guess what we went to the best seafood place in Jacksonville. She is 27 and she works as an executive assistant for a large law firm. She makes really good money but she has to work crazy hours. She looks really cool, she dresses very classy and wears really sexy black rimmed glasses and tight skirts and high heels. She definitely turns a lot of heads when she walks by. It is quite a difference from my style totally. I mean I guess I look like a bit of a techy nerd with a bit of metro. Metrogeeksexual I guess is how I would describe me. I have lots of face lotions and other skin care products that would qualify me to be a metrosexual and I already know I am a total geek because of the $3000 computer I have

So back to the dinner. I felt a bit like a fish out of water in this place with her. I do own like some nice clothes so of course I busted them out for this date. I am only worried I will have to do it again and then I won't have something different to wear and I will look like a total dufus. So I need to go clothes shopping sometime soon because I do have another date with her on Saturday night and I am going to take her to a nice restaurant again and then after we are going to go clubbing so I guess I need something that will be appropriate for both venues. We ordered dinner and sat and chatted and had some drinks and had just a lovely time and things seemed really conservative and it almost felt like a business meeting the way things were going down and I was thinking that I need to elevate this to the next level. I need to get out of this comfort zone we are settling into and amp things up in terms of the attraction stage. So I just looked at her and said, you have really beautiful eyes and she had this stunned look on her face and her whole face turned red and then she smiled at me slyly and said you have beautiful eyes too and I felt this tingle go up and down my spine and I was like omg wow. It was Sunday night so there wasn't much room for going out to a club or anything like that and she said this was fun let's get together next weekend and do this again, but after dinner we can go to a night club and I was like sure. So I walked her out to her car and she was like ok bye and went to give me a hug and I was like fuck that and put my arms around her then pulled away and kissed her

Wow that last post was hella depressing. I am glad I kept this diary of sorts of my new life so I can look and see what I have been doing and keep myself in check. I wish I wasn't such an emotional person. I think that my life would be so much easier and it would be so much easier to set goals and achieve them if I wasn't so god damned emotional. I have my mother of course to blame for this. Women love the fact that I have such an emotional side to me but it sucks for being a man. I think if I was colder and wasn't so emotional that I would not be where I am today. I would be in a different place in a different mind set and I think I would be more successful and hopefully happier. It doesn't matter how hard I try and fight it, sometimes my emotions come over me like a wave and I am swept away in motion in whatever direction it is traveling. It is the thing that has held me back my entire life. It is the root of all my problems. At least that is what I think.

So here we are 2010. The human race has somehow managed to not nuke itself yet, nor has it managed to wipe itself out with a plague or something else. We are merrily continuing along in our regular consume and produce waste cycle as the Earth slowly deteriorates toward the point of no return. Sometimes I get selfish and say fuck it what do I care if in 200 years from now the air on earth is no longer breathable? I won't be here. I guess this is because I don't have any kids nor do I have any plans of having kids. Life seems kind of pointless when you look at it on paper. All we do as humans is consume, reproduce, consume waste, and somewhere in between there we live our "life" which is really just the pursuit of happiness and the avoidance of pain. The only good things in this life are those moments we remember. Brief moments of time when everything feels just right, you feel elated. Those feelings are fleeting and for all the good we get in life we get an equal amount of crap to deal with. The ability to deal with the crap is a deciding factor in how much overall happiness you will achieve.

I wish I was one of those people who didn't spend so much time psychoanalyzing life and them himself. I wish I was able to feel content just settling into a routine. I am not one of those people now. Dealing with this new life as a single man can be overwhelming at times and also very confusing. I feel as though I have been dropped into another world. Sometimes it feels like I am watching my own life unveil itself like a movie.

Ok enough with all the preachy ranty shit. Back to the bitches... ah lord the bitches. (from the movie new jack city)

See? I use humour to change the mood w00t.

I have been sending a bunch of different girls messages and so far I have met some sweet girls. I think I want to give a sweet girl a shot. I might have said this before but my ex was really strong and really aggressive and she wasn't very feminine. I think I need a nice sweet girl that won't complicate my life. I have a few girls I am talking to that might fit this bill and I am in the process of figuring that out.

I am trying to go on a date with some of them and that might happen tomorrow with this one girl Cindy so I will let you know if we are going to to go out tomorrow night or not. I am just waiting to get a message back from her. She has been pretty good at communicating back and forth online which I think is an important aspect and tells a lot about someone's personality.

I decided against pursuing that girl Becky. She is too young for me and I realized that I am only going to end up getting hurt and frustrated by chasing a younger girl. I mean really... what am I doing messing around with some girl that is still in the stage where she doesn't know what she wants. I realize over the holidays that I need to be going after women. That is just it, women and not girls. I am too old to be hooking up with girls anymore. I need to find myself some real women that are more on my level.

I am not a big fan of xmas and new years eve etc. I guess that is because the last few years I didn't really enjoy myself or the time I was spending with my exgirlfriend. Yes she dumped me, but I wasn't really that happy either. I was kind of hoping that she was going to dump me but I only realized that recently. When she first left I was really pissed off and sad and upset but now I am happy that she left and give me another chance to do something else with my life I wouldn't have otherwise had the chance to do. Now I look up at the stars like I did as a kid and think about all the possibilities that life holds for me. I pretty much stopped thinking like this in my early twenties and my attitude became - well this is what you have so you need to be happy about and not think about other stuff to do. I think that is what being with a partner does to you.

I feel like having a drink right now. I am going to go pour a big glass of vodka. Back. I don't know why writing this shit makes me so emotional. I guess the scars are still fresh. There is some guy right now probably driving her down the same streets that I did. Anyways I need to focus on the fact that I have a new life and new women to talk to. I am going to sit here and sip this drink and start searching for women that are in my age bracket and more suited to making me happy if such a thing is even possible.

So I got an email from Veronica this morning politely telling me she didn't think it was going to work out for us. I'd like to sit here and tell you that it didn't affect me, tell you that my ego wasn't bruised... that I didn't feel like complete shit... but I do. I really thought I had a legitimate chance with this girl. She was definitely physically attracted to me, that much I am sure of. It has been 9 years since I have had to deal with any of this shit that I really have no idea what is going on. I don't remember the dynamics of how things once were. She was the exact kind of girl that I am looking for. I don't know why I am obsessed with really attractive women but I am. I think it is because I have such a passion for television and movies and I guess they usually only use the most attractive women. I want a girl that looks like a high fashion model, but isn't one. I also want a Yoga girl. Hmm how about a cross between a model and a yoga instructor. I am feeling a little bit of hope right now as I type this, but as I sit here listening to the sadness that is Keane, I keep thinking of Veronica and what could have been. She was the type of girl a man could just fall into and escape. A goddess. Ok... I am done.

Becky is the name of a new girl that I recently met online. That is the great thing about using an online dating site, is that you can be physically out courting a woman, taking her on dates, spending time with her exclusively while you try and see where it goes but at the same time you can be prepping new girl and queue them up for if and when things don't work out. So that is where I am now at this point. I am not going to tell you in detail about every girl I talk to because I have probably sent and received messages with about 35 girls so far. I am going to just talk about Becky right now because she is new and fresh and she has an angelic face and looks like a real goody two shoes type of girl. She is the exact type of girl that I need to fall into after this fiasco with Veronica.

I sent Becky some pics and messages online through PM's and then we started to chat on MSN Messenger. Msn is the easiest way to talk to girls I find since a lot of people use it. I know it's not even called messenger anymore, now they call it Live Messenger or some shit. It will still just be MSN to me forever. I'm oldschool gangster like that ya know Jive Turkey. So yeah she is 24 years old and she works on a place where they have horses. I think she teaches young kids how to ride. I know she is probably too young for me but she looks so innocent and unjaded and I think that if I was with a girl like that, I would feel young again and maybe for once, I could put the past away and focus on the present.

Most of our chat sessions are about lovey dovey type stuff like what is your favorite color and stuff like that. She is a romantic and thought he was too. That is a quote from the movie The Croupier starring Clive Owen. If you haven't seen this dark movie then you should cuz it's really good. He made this movie before he got really famous in all his cheesy big blockbuster movies. My recommendations on movies are solid yo. Anyways back to the girl. I have a hard time comprehending what it was like to be so naive and ignorant. They say ignorance is bliss and they are right. By the way, I don't know who THEY are, but they know a lot of stuff. She was telling me about the kind of guy she was looking for and then I was basically responding in a fashion that would suit her desire. I guess I was manipulating the situation but does it really matter? Does love really exist? Ok now I am getting wayyyyyy side tracked with my random thoughts.

I know that I will never make this girl happy. I know that she deserves so much more than old me but that doesn't mean I can't spend SOME time with her does it? Am I bad person? Do I deserve anything good? What do I know?

I have not made any dates with her. I really don't want to deal with her in a traditional fashion. The kind of date I want with this girl is the kind where on a sunny sunday afternoon I would go visit her where she works and she would take me out riding on horses. I would bring her flowers and the sun would be shining. Ok I already mentioned the sun part. Well it would be cool and innocent is what I am saying. Her hair would be flowing and there would be grass and stuff and we would be rolling around kissing and a horse would stroll by in the background and shit. Maybe the horse would even stop and munch on some grass.

She said that her dad is a cop and I was like oh crap do I need to worry about that fact? Then I realized I am not 17 anymore and she doesn't live with her parents. At least I don't think she lives with her parents. Not that there is anything wrong with living with your parents... well that is unless your parents are cops. I guess I should check and see where she lives :S I am going to message her now and ask.

Oh my God it's been 9 days since my last post, what an epic fail. Let me bring you up to speed on things. I finally called Veronica and spoke to her on the phone. She was wondering why I took so long to call her and said I thought it was a 4 day rule... I didn't really know how to respond so I just lied and said I lost her phone number and had just found it. This was on Monday. We talked on the phone for about 2 hours about a lot of different stuff. She was describing her perceptions of me from the night I went dancing with her and her friends. I have to say that her assessment was pretty accurate and I was surprised by just how intelligent this girl really was. I have always been attracted to intelligence and I guess that is because I have a hard time tolerating incompetence even though I myself can be incompetent at times. I guess I am just a hypocrite like most people

She told me that she thought I was attractive but wasn't sure about my motives and my desires. She said I was a bit difficult to read and that I seemed guarded in some way. She revealed to me that she was very wary of getting into another relationship and ultimately winding up hurt again. She said she had been enjoying being single and keeping things casual and enjoying having a nice big circle of male and female friends around here which I thought was cool. I mean no one wants to get hurt. I guess that is where the expression "it's better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all" probably comes from. Women can be very confusing... hell life can be very confusing. I wish I believed in God. I think that somehow if I had some faith in something than my life would seem like it has more purpose. For what is a man without a purpose? Without hopes and dreams?

I am still just chatting with the Moroccon girl Candy. So far all we have done is chat online, I have never heard her voice before but I sure have seen a lot of stuff on webcam Also she likes to be very sexual and naughty when I chat with her and I am trying to find out more about her but it's hard not to get wrapped up in all her sexual stuff. Anyways. I met a girl named Veronica who is 30 and she works for a marketing company. I am not really sure what that means, but she has her own car, dresses in nice classy clothes, has an iPhone and carries a Louis Vitton purse. I think high end fashion is so god damn sexy. There is nothing sexier than a classy, feminine woman who smells good. So anyways this girl Veronica said she wanted me to go out clubbing with her and her friends so I can meet them all which I thought was cool cuz y'all know what my situation is with friends and my lack of them. She said I should meet her at this club called The Globe Nightclub.

I rolled up all macked out in black. I wasn't sure if I should wear jeans with an affliction t-shirt or if I should wear black slacks with a black button up shirt so I went with the black just in case the place had a dress code plus Veronica dressed nice. I walked through the club and finally noticed Veronica standing dancing in the VIP section. She too was dressed in all black. Long black straightened hair down to her ass, short straight bangs across the forehead. There was 7 of them, 5 girls and 2 guys. They were all dressed nice and looked cool. Lawyers, teachers, doctors, CFO, etc these were their titles. Hanging with them made me think more about my dream to run my own business. I thought of this game called "Jump to Conclusions" where there are these conclusions and you jump to them (that was a joke, and if you don't know what movie that is from then you fail)

They had bottle service and so I helped myself to some Grey Goose vodka and sat back in a nice plush sofa with 2 strange women on both sides of me while Veronica sat across from me. She was leaning forward talking to me, I could feel her long straight silky hair brushing on the side of my face and I got hella wood. Also the 2 girls on both sides of me were rubbing up against me at the same time. They both looked great and smelt great and the idea of their expensive fabrics rubbing up against me was driving me nuts. Veronica motioned it was time to go down and join the rest of the club so we could dance with the crowd for a bit and I had to tuck my shit in cuz it was literally poking out through my pants.

Happiness can be described as melting into a dance floor full of people, lights, perfume, and hair. The music at this place was really good deep house and I was surrounded by 4 amazingly beautiful women with long flowing hair waving around in slow motion while lasers zipped around our head and beer bottles were lifted in celebration. I was wondering if they had any retro type dance clubs in Jax, gotta check that out. One of the girls was grinding up on me and I felt like a rock superstar. The thoughts of my exgirlfriend now a distant fading memory. All the misery replaced with ecstasy.

I was really hoping to try and hook up with Veronica but she was playing hard to get. Not that I was really trying to pursue her or anything but I did give her a few glances that she smiled and looked away from. Not really sure how to read this. I am a newbie at all this shit again because it has been so long. Ohh my playlist just went to Stairway to Heaven, love this song. Anyways we partied at the club until 2am and then we all left there and went back to Veronica's place which was this awesome condo downtown. I very distinctly remember the overwhelming feeling I got as she opened the door to her condo and all my senses were struck with her aura. The place looked and smelt just as feminine as she looked and acted. I felt like I was in heaven and like she was an angel. We had some more drinks and 2 of the guys asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint. I was like sure let's go and the 3 of us and 2 of the girls went to her balcony which was on the 6th floor had a decent view and blazed up. Veronica never joined us and I thought she was going to, if I knew that she wasn't going to then I wouldn't have gone myself because I wanted to be on the same level as her and I didn't want her to think I was some reefer addict.

We just chilled and listened to music etc. I spent the next little while chatting with the 2 guys cuz I was so bloody high out of my mind and I felt like they were the only 2 people at the party who I could now relate to in my inebriated state :S I really hope she don't think lower of me but hey her two friends smoke pot and she hangs with them so I don't think she will be too judgmental about it. I left around 4am and give her a hug/kiss on the cheek and just tried to play it cool. While I was waiting for the elevator she came out of her apartment and closed the door behind her and came over to me and told me she had a great time and it was nice to meet me and that we should get together again sometime soon just the two of us now that she knows I am cool. I was ok awesome... we were standing about 3 feet apart and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to lean over and kiss her or whatever and by the time I could figure out what to do, the elevator arrived and she just kinda waved bye, turned and went back to her condo. I am still waiting to hear from her. I haven't messaged her yet, trying to play it cool, but I am getting antsy.

I never ended up taking Natalie to Sterlings of Avondale instead we went to Bistro Aix. The place was really nice and she was really impressed with the place. She said she was 27 years old and was a social worker that worked with people who have addictions. I thought that was cool. She was really hot and hand long blonde hair. I asked her at dinner if that was her real hair color and she said yeah it was. I'm not sure if I have ever met a real blonde before. She said she had heard of Keane before and that she liked Coldplay so that was good enough for me. She said she also likes to listen to Deep House and also stuff like Tiesto and Michael Cassette etc. I like girls that have some diversification in their musical tastes.

The restaurant was a mix between French and Mediterranean and Executive Chef Tom Gray did an awesome job with the menu. I had the Grilled Tuna and she had the Lamb Tenderloin. We also had some awesome chocolate cake for desert. I was worried when I was talking to this girl over dinner that she might be too straightlaced for me but hey I need to find someone who is responsible. She certainly wouldn't be a negative influence and that is a good thing. She told me that she too had been in a long term relationship and didn't have many friends etc and we had a lot in common.

After dinner we took a nice long stroll through the city arm in arm and chatted about everything. It wasn't some crazy wild date, it was a really nice conservative time out and I really enjoyed myself. I think I need to meet more girls like her and I am wondering if this girl has a wild side. I think I am going to invite her to go to a club next weekend and see how she responds to lots of alcohol in her system and a wild crazy party environment.

I have also been chatting with a Moroccon girl named Candy... yeah I know, I asked her if that was her real name and she said yes. She is a bit of an enigma.... she is only 22 years old and she likes to type lots of naughty things to me in msn chat and sends me pics of her half naked all the time. I am not sure if I can handle a young horny girl like this as I am very out of practice. I don't even know how to approach this girl... do I just invite her over to "chill" at my place or do I take her out to a club or do I take her out for dinner on a normal date. I could sure use some advice on this one

Well that Chinese girl turned out to be quite interesting... maybe it's just me and maybe Asian girls are just different and I don't understand them. She said she wants to get together during the week next week and have lunch because we both work quite close together. She is an architect or so she says. She definitely looks like one, with the simple classy look and the black rimmed mini glasses or whatever they are called.

Sometimes I just break down and start crying but I am not really sad, I am happy that I have my new life. In hind sight I can realize the mistakes I made and the fact that I really wasn't very happy being with her. So I am looking forward and focusing on what I want to do. I do not want to have any regrets next time. I want to be smart and make the right choices that are going to make ME happy and that will ultimately make her happy. I think I need to reread The Fountainhead by Ann Rand.

As I said, I have a date tonight with a redhead named Natalie and I am taking her to Sterlings of Avondale on Saint Johns Avenue. The place is very expensive and very nice. It's 5pm now and I have reservations for 8pm. I guess I need to start getting ready soon. Although guys don't take very long to get ready and I shaved last night so I don't have much to do. I was going to take her to P. F. Changs but I haven't been there before and I wanted to go with a place that I already know is good and there is a small chance they may remember me from being there and that would make me look cool in front of her

Ooh Ziggy Stardust is coming on the radio... I am going to go pour a drink and go sit on the balcony. Have a great night people... I know I will

p.s. The title of this post are lyrics from a Keane song. If you don't know who Keane is, then you are missing out on a bag full of win

Man I hate my job lol. I am literally glued to my computer and the phone all day long. I am hoping to get transferred to the hosting section very soon because I heard it's much better over there because you only deal with business customers who aren't as dumb as residential customers.

Anyways, the only thing I look forward to everyday is my online dating scene. I just hope I don't get caught chatting with girls online at work, but my buddy in another department is the one that monitors internet activity and he is a good friend and he said don't worry about it that he will delete the logs etc

I consider myself to be a decent looking guy but having been out of the game for so long my confidence was at an all time low until the other day when I started to get messages from girls saying I looked cute and hot etc. I suppose there is life after love. Human emotions are such a complex thing sigh. Ok that was random sorry.

Now I am dealing with figuring out what kind of girl I want to hook up with. My ex is a white girl from eastern europe decent although she has no accent etc. I am not sure what I want to try, I guess I need to hook up with lots of different girls so I can figure this out finally. I just hope I don't fall for someone too quick without giving myself the opportunity to really check everything out and figure out what I want.

I spent most of my life worrying about other people and what they want but now it is time to be selfish and figure out how I want to live my life. My goal is to date for about a year before settling into another relationship. I know I don't want to be single forever like some people do. I really don't like being alone and I prefer to have someone to share my life with, I just want to make sure this time I choose someone who will accept me for me and not try and "change me".

We all have flaws etc but I just need a chick who can roll with the punches and not try and fix me constantly. I do not need fixing. I like myself as I am, and my friends like me as I am. I have met other girls that were girlfriends of dudes I met and I would think, wow this chick is so cool and laid back and understanding, this is the kind of girl I need to find.

I just never thought I would be single again. I certainly didn't have any intention of leaving my girlfriend but now that the shock and awe is over with I am glad that she left me. I think she did both of us a huge favour.

Ohh I am getting a flashing msn from this Chinese girl I have been messaging - I got to go for now.

Trey is the name and Jacksonville is the game! Hi everyone, I am a 29 year old dude from Jacksonville and I have recently become single again. Three months ago my girlfriend dumped me and after taking some time to myself I decided to get back into the game. I was with her for 7 years and during that time she made me get rid of most of my friends etc. I have a few guys that I am friends with but they don't really have anyone they can hook me up with. My ex and I spent most of our time together hanging out with just each other. So now I am left in a position where I need to start from scratch in terms of generating a new circle of friends and of course meeting women.

I work for an internet service provider doing network support so I spend most of my day online and I have become very reliant and comfortable communicating with people using the internet so I decided that using the web to meet girls would be my best bet. So I joined a site last week and have been chatting with single girls all week. I am gonna be taking out this cute redhead on Friday so I thought I would make a blog and share my experiences with other people so that they may learn or be inspired from my results.