single

Hi everyone I am back from India now. Back from India? That is right. My company here in Florida, bought a company in India for a really good price and they asked me to go there and get things up and running. I really did not want to go but they said they would give me a ten thousand dollar bonus if I went, so I did. India is hot as hell and I have eaten so much god damn curry in the last 2 months I am sick of it. Anyways they said they would pay for my flight and food and hotel etc but I had to leave right away the next day. I decided to cancel my membership at the online dating site because I knew I was going to be away and wouldn't be here to go on any dates with any girls. I figured I would wait until I got back and then just rejoin the site and remake my profile at that time. I was talking to Christy online while I was gone but she said she met someone else and couldn't wait for me to get back so what can I do. I don't hear from her anymore.

Right after I finish this blog entry I am going to log on and rejoin the online dating site and then I am going to make a new profile with some cool updated pics I took of myself in India. Then once I make the profile, I am going to browse the dating site and then send out messages to some girls that I think are hot and might want to go out with me. I know a lot of new girls join the site every week so I should find lots cuz I haven't been on there in 60 days. I know tomorrow is Friday so I don't know if I am going to be able to go out on any dates until next week. I might meet a girl and be able to set something up for saturday or sunday but it is not likely. Also UFC is on Saturday night and all my bros are getting together at Scott's house to watch it on his projection setup.

I really think that Georges St. Pierre is going to win over Dan Hardy. I am not saying Hardy is unprepared or some noob cuz he isn't but he doesn't stand a chance against GSP. You can call me a GSP nuthugger if you like but I really like him and I think he is going to win. I also think that Shane Carwin is going to absolutely destroy Frank Mir. People are delusional. They think that Mir is going to outbox him or something when in reality, Carwin is just going to KO him or ground and pound him before Mir can even think about getting a submission he will be unconscious. Some of my friends are big Frank Mir fans and they are going to be upset when their glory boy loses.

Wow that last post was hella depressing. I am glad I kept this diary of sorts of my new life so I can look and see what I have been doing and keep myself in check. I wish I wasn't such an emotional person. I think that my life would be so much easier and it would be so much easier to set goals and achieve them if I wasn't so god damned emotional. I have my mother of course to blame for this. Women love the fact that I have such an emotional side to me but it sucks for being a man. I think if I was colder and wasn't so emotional that I would not be where I am today. I would be in a different place in a different mind set and I think I would be more successful and hopefully happier. It doesn't matter how hard I try and fight it, sometimes my emotions come over me like a wave and I am swept away in motion in whatever direction it is traveling. It is the thing that has held me back my entire life. It is the root of all my problems. At least that is what I think.

So here we are 2010. The human race has somehow managed to not nuke itself yet, nor has it managed to wipe itself out with a plague or something else. We are merrily continuing along in our regular consume and produce waste cycle as the Earth slowly deteriorates toward the point of no return. Sometimes I get selfish and say fuck it what do I care if in 200 years from now the air on earth is no longer breathable? I won't be here. I guess this is because I don't have any kids nor do I have any plans of having kids. Life seems kind of pointless when you look at it on paper. All we do as humans is consume, reproduce, consume waste, and somewhere in between there we live our "life" which is really just the pursuit of happiness and the avoidance of pain. The only good things in this life are those moments we remember. Brief moments of time when everything feels just right, you feel elated. Those feelings are fleeting and for all the good we get in life we get an equal amount of crap to deal with. The ability to deal with the crap is a deciding factor in how much overall happiness you will achieve.

I wish I was one of those people who didn't spend so much time psychoanalyzing life and them himself. I wish I was able to feel content just settling into a routine. I am not one of those people now. Dealing with this new life as a single man can be overwhelming at times and also very confusing. I feel as though I have been dropped into another world. Sometimes it feels like I am watching my own life unveil itself like a movie.

Ok enough with all the preachy ranty shit. Back to the bitches... ah lord the bitches. (from the movie new jack city)

See? I use humour to change the mood w00t.

I have been sending a bunch of different girls messages and so far I have met some sweet girls. I think I want to give a sweet girl a shot. I might have said this before but my ex was really strong and really aggressive and she wasn't very feminine. I think I need a nice sweet girl that won't complicate my life. I have a few girls I am talking to that might fit this bill and I am in the process of figuring that out.

I am trying to go on a date with some of them and that might happen tomorrow with this one girl Cindy so I will let you know if we are going to to go out tomorrow night or not. I am just waiting to get a message back from her. She has been pretty good at communicating back and forth online which I think is an important aspect and tells a lot about someone's personality.

I decided against pursuing that girl Becky. She is too young for me and I realized that I am only going to end up getting hurt and frustrated by chasing a younger girl. I mean really... what am I doing messing around with some girl that is still in the stage where she doesn't know what she wants. I realize over the holidays that I need to be going after women. That is just it, women and not girls. I am too old to be hooking up with girls anymore. I need to find myself some real women that are more on my level.

I am not a big fan of xmas and new years eve etc. I guess that is because the last few years I didn't really enjoy myself or the time I was spending with my exgirlfriend. Yes she dumped me, but I wasn't really that happy either. I was kind of hoping that she was going to dump me but I only realized that recently. When she first left I was really pissed off and sad and upset but now I am happy that she left and give me another chance to do something else with my life I wouldn't have otherwise had the chance to do. Now I look up at the stars like I did as a kid and think about all the possibilities that life holds for me. I pretty much stopped thinking like this in my early twenties and my attitude became - well this is what you have so you need to be happy about and not think about other stuff to do. I think that is what being with a partner does to you.

I feel like having a drink right now. I am going to go pour a big glass of vodka. Back. I don't know why writing this shit makes me so emotional. I guess the scars are still fresh. There is some guy right now probably driving her down the same streets that I did. Anyways I need to focus on the fact that I have a new life and new women to talk to. I am going to sit here and sip this drink and start searching for women that are in my age bracket and more suited to making me happy if such a thing is even possible.

So I got an email from Veronica this morning politely telling me she didn't think it was going to work out for us. I'd like to sit here and tell you that it didn't affect me, tell you that my ego wasn't bruised... that I didn't feel like complete shit... but I do. I really thought I had a legitimate chance with this girl. She was definitely physically attracted to me, that much I am sure of. It has been 9 years since I have had to deal with any of this shit that I really have no idea what is going on. I don't remember the dynamics of how things once were. She was the exact kind of girl that I am looking for. I don't know why I am obsessed with really attractive women but I am. I think it is because I have such a passion for television and movies and I guess they usually only use the most attractive women. I want a girl that looks like a high fashion model, but isn't one. I also want a Yoga girl. Hmm how about a cross between a model and a yoga instructor. I am feeling a little bit of hope right now as I type this, but as I sit here listening to the sadness that is Keane, I keep thinking of Veronica and what could have been. She was the type of girl a man could just fall into and escape. A goddess. Ok... I am done.

Becky is the name of a new girl that I recently met online. That is the great thing about using an online dating site, is that you can be physically out courting a woman, taking her on dates, spending time with her exclusively while you try and see where it goes but at the same time you can be prepping new girl and queue them up for if and when things don't work out. So that is where I am now at this point. I am not going to tell you in detail about every girl I talk to because I have probably sent and received messages with about 35 girls so far. I am going to just talk about Becky right now because she is new and fresh and she has an angelic face and looks like a real goody two shoes type of girl. She is the exact type of girl that I need to fall into after this fiasco with Veronica.

I sent Becky some pics and messages online through PM's and then we started to chat on MSN Messenger. Msn is the easiest way to talk to girls I find since a lot of people use it. I know it's not even called messenger anymore, now they call it Live Messenger or some shit. It will still just be MSN to me forever. I'm oldschool gangster like that ya know Jive Turkey. So yeah she is 24 years old and she works on a place where they have horses. I think she teaches young kids how to ride. I know she is probably too young for me but she looks so innocent and unjaded and I think that if I was with a girl like that, I would feel young again and maybe for once, I could put the past away and focus on the present.

Most of our chat sessions are about lovey dovey type stuff like what is your favorite color and stuff like that. She is a romantic and thought he was too. That is a quote from the movie The Croupier starring Clive Owen. If you haven't seen this dark movie then you should cuz it's really good. He made this movie before he got really famous in all his cheesy big blockbuster movies. My recommendations on movies are solid yo. Anyways back to the girl. I have a hard time comprehending what it was like to be so naive and ignorant. They say ignorance is bliss and they are right. By the way, I don't know who THEY are, but they know a lot of stuff. She was telling me about the kind of guy she was looking for and then I was basically responding in a fashion that would suit her desire. I guess I was manipulating the situation but does it really matter? Does love really exist? Ok now I am getting wayyyyyy side tracked with my random thoughts.

I know that I will never make this girl happy. I know that she deserves so much more than old me but that doesn't mean I can't spend SOME time with her does it? Am I bad person? Do I deserve anything good? What do I know?

I have not made any dates with her. I really don't want to deal with her in a traditional fashion. The kind of date I want with this girl is the kind where on a sunny sunday afternoon I would go visit her where she works and she would take me out riding on horses. I would bring her flowers and the sun would be shining. Ok I already mentioned the sun part. Well it would be cool and innocent is what I am saying. Her hair would be flowing and there would be grass and stuff and we would be rolling around kissing and a horse would stroll by in the background and shit. Maybe the horse would even stop and munch on some grass.

She said that her dad is a cop and I was like oh crap do I need to worry about that fact? Then I realized I am not 17 anymore and she doesn't live with her parents. At least I don't think she lives with her parents. Not that there is anything wrong with living with your parents... well that is unless your parents are cops. I guess I should check and see where she lives :S I am going to message her now and ask.

Oh my God it's been 9 days since my last post, what an epic fail. Let me bring you up to speed on things. I finally called Veronica and spoke to her on the phone. She was wondering why I took so long to call her and said I thought it was a 4 day rule... I didn't really know how to respond so I just lied and said I lost her phone number and had just found it. This was on Monday. We talked on the phone for about 2 hours about a lot of different stuff. She was describing her perceptions of me from the night I went dancing with her and her friends. I have to say that her assessment was pretty accurate and I was surprised by just how intelligent this girl really was. I have always been attracted to intelligence and I guess that is because I have a hard time tolerating incompetence even though I myself can be incompetent at times. I guess I am just a hypocrite like most people

She told me that she thought I was attractive but wasn't sure about my motives and my desires. She said I was a bit difficult to read and that I seemed guarded in some way. She revealed to me that she was very wary of getting into another relationship and ultimately winding up hurt again. She said she had been enjoying being single and keeping things casual and enjoying having a nice big circle of male and female friends around here which I thought was cool. I mean no one wants to get hurt. I guess that is where the expression "it's better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all" probably comes from. Women can be very confusing... hell life can be very confusing. I wish I believed in God. I think that somehow if I had some faith in something than my life would seem like it has more purpose. For what is a man without a purpose? Without hopes and dreams?

Man I hate my job lol. I am literally glued to my computer and the phone all day long. I am hoping to get transferred to the hosting section very soon because I heard it's much better over there because you only deal with business customers who aren't as dumb as residential customers.

Anyways, the only thing I look forward to everyday is my online dating scene. I just hope I don't get caught chatting with girls online at work, but my buddy in another department is the one that monitors internet activity and he is a good friend and he said don't worry about it that he will delete the logs etc

I consider myself to be a decent looking guy but having been out of the game for so long my confidence was at an all time low until the other day when I started to get messages from girls saying I looked cute and hot etc. I suppose there is life after love. Human emotions are such a complex thing sigh. Ok that was random sorry.

Now I am dealing with figuring out what kind of girl I want to hook up with. My ex is a white girl from eastern europe decent although she has no accent etc. I am not sure what I want to try, I guess I need to hook up with lots of different girls so I can figure this out finally. I just hope I don't fall for someone too quick without giving myself the opportunity to really check everything out and figure out what I want.

I spent most of my life worrying about other people and what they want but now it is time to be selfish and figure out how I want to live my life. My goal is to date for about a year before settling into another relationship. I know I don't want to be single forever like some people do. I really don't like being alone and I prefer to have someone to share my life with, I just want to make sure this time I choose someone who will accept me for me and not try and "change me".

We all have flaws etc but I just need a chick who can roll with the punches and not try and fix me constantly. I do not need fixing. I like myself as I am, and my friends like me as I am. I have met other girls that were girlfriends of dudes I met and I would think, wow this chick is so cool and laid back and understanding, this is the kind of girl I need to find.

I just never thought I would be single again. I certainly didn't have any intention of leaving my girlfriend but now that the shock and awe is over with I am glad that she left me. I think she did both of us a huge favour.

Ohh I am getting a flashing msn from this Chinese girl I have been messaging - I got to go for now.

Trey is the name and Jacksonville is the game! Hi everyone, I am a 29 year old dude from Jacksonville and I have recently become single again. Three months ago my girlfriend dumped me and after taking some time to myself I decided to get back into the game. I was with her for 7 years and during that time she made me get rid of most of my friends etc. I have a few guys that I am friends with but they don't really have anyone they can hook me up with. My ex and I spent most of our time together hanging out with just each other. So now I am left in a position where I need to start from scratch in terms of generating a new circle of friends and of course meeting women.

I work for an internet service provider doing network support so I spend most of my day online and I have become very reliant and comfortable communicating with people using the internet so I decided that using the web to meet girls would be my best bet. So I joined a site last week and have been chatting with single girls all week. I am gonna be taking out this cute redhead on Friday so I thought I would make a blog and share my experiences with other people so that they may learn or be inspired from my results.